4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
