i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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