I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
