these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
