i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
