I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
