sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
