So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
