He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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