dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
