I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You ate ashes out of my bong
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
