so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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