I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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