This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
