take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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