I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
