put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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