last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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