Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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