I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
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