and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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