I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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