I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Randomize
