I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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