Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
