tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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