i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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