Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
