help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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