If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
