I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
