some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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