No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
