U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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