i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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