is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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