Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
