Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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