I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
