I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
