im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
smell my finger.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
