Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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