i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
