So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
last night I used snow as a chaser
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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