at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
