Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I am available for nakedness
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
