I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
