My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
