Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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