If i come over, it means nothing
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
