I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
