i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
