I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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