living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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