his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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