Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
