so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
So many bounce houses so little time
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
