some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
