Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
