If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
